
Japanese Heike Crab, with the top of the shell resembling a face of a samurai.
Battle of Dannoura
In 1185 Japan was torn by a long civil war between two powerful clans. Heike or Taira family, up until then the ruling Japanese clan, was gathered around the seven year old emperor Antoku. The other, Genji or Minamoto clan, became as powerful in the preceding decades and was threatening to take over the right to ascension to Japanese throne.
The final battle between the two clans was fought off the coast of Dannoura, in Japanese sea, on August 24, 1185. Heike warriors were outnumbered by one to three. The Taira had no place to flee and nothing to lose. They fought bravely. But after some of the Taira followers had switched sides during the battle, the fate had turned against them. Finally one of the renegades had revealed to the enemy on which ship the emperor Antoku could be found. After a fierce and grim battle, the forces of the Minamoto prevailed.
Defeated, many Heike noblemen committed suicide by jumping into the sea and drowning themselves. Among them was also Kiyomori’s widow and grandmother of the child emperor Antoku. She took the child in her arms and leaped into the sea where they both drowned. To a Japanese, a graceful death is preferable to a life in shame.
Because of their valor and noble sacrifice, from the historical defeat the Heike clan went straight into the myth as exalted moral winners. The Tale of Heike (Heike Monogatari) is the heroic epic about the Taire clan and the Battle of Dannoura is replayed every year on the anniversary of the tragic battle within the celebrations held annually at the Akama Shrine in Shimonoseki, Yamaguchi, built in the honor of child emperor Antoku.
Heike Crabs
Ever since the Dannoura battle, fishermen from the Straits of Shimonoseki have been finding the crabs with samurai face on their backs. Believing these crabs -- Heikegani -- are reincarnations of the spirits of the Heike warriors defeated at the Battle of Dannoura, Japanese fishermen kept throwing them back into the sea from their nets.
Carl Sagan used Heikegani in his popular science television show Cosmos: A Personal Voyage as an example of artificial selection. Since the crabs with shells resembling samurai warrior’s face were thrown back, and those not resembling samurai were eaten, the former were given a greater chance of reproducing. So, basically, Sagan concluded that if you are a crab and have the shell that looks like a face of the samurai, people will spare you and you’ll have more descendants. And, as the generations of both men and crabs were passing, there were more and more Heikegani in the Japanese sea.
Battle of Kosovo
Two hundred years after the Battle of Dannoura, in another part of the world, Serbian emperor Lazar and his noblemen fought equally tragic, although far more decisive battle, the Battle of Kosovo. Unlike the Japanese clash between two powerful clans, the battle the Serbs chose to fight was not the internal war for power and throne, but the battle between two empires, Serbian Christian and Ottoman Muslim.
Serbian warriors were outnumbered by ten to one and, being Christian, not permitted to take their lives in order to avoid humiliation and suffering in case of defeat. Being fully aware they are fighting for their faith, freedom and the lives of their children’s children and their children, they were determined to “neither yield, nor submit.” Not only Serbian noblemen and knights, but every Serb in the Kingdom able to bear arms took his rightful place in the Battle of Kosovo. They fought like lions, until the last man and the last breath.
The Battle of Kosovo was a draw -- both the Serbian emperor and the Turkish sultan were killed (in fact, sultan Murad I who was killed by the Serbian knight Milos Obilic in the Battle of Kosovo, was the only Ottoman ruler who was killed in a battle, during some 700 years of Osman Empire), so neither the Serbs, nor the Ottomans could claim victory on the battlefield. But the death toll for the small Serbian nation was tremendous, the loss of the emperor, along with the most exalted noblemen, the best warriors, the entire army and every third male in the country was too harsh a blow from which Serbian Kingdom could not easily recover. Soon after, Serbia was annexed to the Ottoman Empire and the five centuries of sheer misery ensued.
Prejudice and Bias
While most people seem to be capable of comprehending the valor and nobility of the Japanese Heike clan, Serbian medieval warriors who sacrificed their lives in the Battle of Kosovo are rarely considered equally worthy of respect, and their tragic heroism in facing the overwhelmingly more powerful enemy is often ignored. Likewise, while the Japanese epic, memory, re-enactment and honoring of the Taira clan that lost the Dannoura Battle is appreciated, Serbian epic poetry, mainly the Kosovo Cycle (which even the great Goethe admired and thought was brilliant) and the fact Serbs consider Vidovdan -- the celebration of Tsar Lazar and Kosovo Martyrs -- their holiest national day, is commonly laughed off by many westerners as an incomprehensible celebration of the “lost battle.”
So much for the prejudice and general, long held anti-Serbian bias in the West, but that is not the subject of this entry.
Serbian Crabs
Now, since the 1389 Battle of Kosovo was the ground rather then the naval battle, no crustaceans showed up afterwards, but the artificial selection did start and there are many Serbian Heike Crabs inhabiting Serbia nowadays.
Through countless wars and battles in which the best and most valiant Serbs were sacrificing their lives during over 600 years, the cowards, the spineless, the sleazeballs, degenerates, masochists and traitors kept surviving, mating and multiplying. Following Carl Sagan’s line of thinking, if you are a Serb and you betray your faith, your ancestors, your brothers and sisters, you don’t get hurt, you get to live, have babies and teach them your most important survival skills and tricks, that being a traitor and a degenerate is the best way to ensure you’ll live long and prosper. So, for example, few hundred years back, Serbian Heike Crabs were hastily switching the deadly cross-shaped shell for the much safer Islamic crescent moon. They lived to spread through Bosnia, overwhelming the Christian Serbs and faithfully turning against them in every future war.
Today, Serbian Heike Crabs that don’t get eaten are hiding in the “liberal,” “democratic” and “antinational” shells. Like E. M. Forster a while ago, they too have concluded it’s better to “be a coward than brave, because people hurt you when you are brave.”
In a current climate, while Serbia and Serbian lands are occupied and colonized, merely being aware and proud of your history, national heritage and ancestors can hurt, as much as it would during the Turkish and communist rule, perhaps even more. Ever since the Battle of Kosovo, it is not safe to be an Orthodox Serb in Serbian lands, since Serbia has not been really free save for about hundred years after it got itself rid of Turks.
Nasty Degenerates
Serbian Heike Crabs, with degenerate genes perfected through the generations of traitors and cowards, are today mostly gathered around the Crab god, George Soros, his NGO’s and the Crab Mother Ship, B92 Information Centre.
They are exceptionally and universally nasty, making an obvious effort to use every opportunity to demonstrate nothing has any value to them, unless it can be worn, driven or comes with the famous trademark and hefty price tag. They seem to be involved in a permanent internal competition where the one who will go farthest in denigrating, degrading and maligning their country, nation, history, cradle and graves wins. At the same time, they also have a suck-up-to-every-foreigner competition, which is only expected, since hating their own genes, faith and roots is part and parcel of the debilitating masochism gnawing at their souls.
Because being of Serbian ethnicity is so unpopular and painful nowadays, Serbian Heike Crabs are tearing their lungs up from the crevices of the Crab Mother Ship in an effort to distance themselves from their ethnicity and heritage and tell the world: “We may have had the misfortune of being born as Serbs, but WE HATE SERBS AS MUCH AS YOU DO, Mr. Ahtisaari, German Mister, Mr. Clinton, Ms. Albright...! And we love everyone you love: Albanian Muslims, Bosnian Muslims, Muslim Muslims, along with everyone else who hates Serbs. So WHY CAN’T WE BE EXCUSED and beamed up to a better place already?!”
No one has the heart to tell them they’ll never earn respect and admiration they are ready to kill for, nor will they ever be rescued from under that rock since:
- They are needed right where they are, desperate, miserable, wretched as they are, to keep doing what they have been doing (mudslinging their own country and nation);
- Nobody needs more degenerates and scumbags (everyone is looking for ways to get rid of their own);
- Treason is only acceptable and mildly entertaining within someone else’s borders.
Although Serbian Heike Crabs are far from dominating political scene in Serbia today and, for all their efforts, still represent the marginal, semi-pathetic and commonly despised segment of the society, whenever a mediocre pen-pusher or Albanian lobbyist from the West gets an order to slap together another Serb-bashing propaganda piece, he or she is bound to cite one from the Crab Clan, and present the ensuing exercise in self-flagellation as the “Serbian view.” In most cases, the actual view of majority of Serbs happens to be exactly opposite from what the Crabs say, but most westerners cannot possibly know that, so there, Serbian Crabs do serve a purpose after all.
The good news? There are few:
Many of the valiant men also survived the wars Serbs had to fight, got married, had babies and taught them all the right things (both of my grandfathers came back from the First and Second World Wars with so many medals each household had to dedicate a separate drawer for, and they are not the only ones).
Secondly, in the last fifteen years the Crabs, being protected from the outside and well fed, have grown so fat and careless they are rarely hiding their true identity. This is good because when Serbian lands get free again, we’ll know exactly whom to take in front of the shooting squad and in which order. After the proper trial, of course.